Grandma
by Shuichi Akai
Summary: Grandma is in town. She is the grandmother of Gin and the Akai Siblings.


Grandma

**Title:** Grandma  
**Rating:** T (For intense humor and possible firearms)  
**Anime:** Case Closed/Detective Conan  
**Timeline:** Before Akai's Death  
**Summary:** The Organization members encounter Gin's grandmother…who is also the grandmother of the Akai Siblings…  
**Genre: **Family/Humor/Horror (For Gin and Akai at least)

"So…" Vermouth asks. "Who's the lady?"

"Melkior Jonathon Kiba Kazaki Asperus Yuki Ikari!" The elderly woman, around eighty, roared. "What did I tell you about having that creepy smile on? Your face will freeze! Bad Melkior! Bad!" She whacked Gin on the head with her cane.

"Ow…" Gin rubbed his head. "That hurts, Grandma! And I'm supposed to have that maniacal grin on! It's what I'm known for!"

**WHACK! **He received another hit to the head. "Don't you sass me!" Grandma scolded. "Now get that rebellious look off your face! And don't think of replacing it with that maniacal grin!"

"Gonna kill this bi—"

**WHACK! **"Watch your language!" Grandma had whacked Gin on the head once more. "I want a yes mam, no mam! Am I clear!?"

"But Grandma—"

**WHACK! **"Just because I'm your grandmother, doesn't mean you can call me that! Not even your father calls me 'mother'. You need to still say yes mam, no mam! Am I clear?"

"Yes mam…" Gin muttered.

"Good," The woman looked to the Organization members, who were chuckling. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?"

"They aren't my friends…" Gin whispered under his breath.

It seems that Grandma heard. "Are you sassing me, boy?"

"I'm not a boy, I'm fully grown—"

"_Are _you sassing me?" Grandma demands in a firmer tone.

"No…"

"Now introduce me to your friends," Gin's grandmother gestured to the operatives once more. Gin mumbled something. This earned another whack. "Speak up boy!"

"Their names are Vodka, Vermouth, Chianti, and Korn!"

"Now let's all head to my place; you people must be starving!" Grandma suggests as if nothing ever happened and that it was a simple introduction.

XXX

The group was led to the living room. Grandma served a batch of fresh hot cookies. "Help yourselves!" The Organization members were glad (except Gin). "Oh and Mel-chan, your cousins are coming over. I invited them."

A knock was heard. Grandma opened it. There were three people. The youngest had an androgynous appearance, but was really a girl around sixteen or seventeen. She had messy black hair, green eyes, and permanent bags under each eye. The middle sibling was around his late 20s. He had neatly combed brown-blonde hair and bluish-grey eyes. The eldest sibling was in his early 30s. He had a similar appearance to the youngest. His hair was short, black, and wavy. His eyes were green with permanent bags underneath each eye. His cheekbones were visible. He wore a knit cap…with bunny ears attached to the top.

"Hi Grandma!" The youngest cheerfully greeted. "It took a lot of begging, but I finally got Shuu-nii and Rei-nii to come!"

"Come in, Masumi-chan, Rei-chan, Shuu-chan," Grandma opened the door fully so they could enter. "Mel-chan and his friends are inside."

"What's with the bunny ears, Silver-Bullet?" Vermouth asks, biting into a cookie. "I should call you Bunny-Bullet or Silver-Bunny…Nah—Silver Bunny fits Gin's description."

"I glued bunny ears to his knit cap," Bourbon smiled, taking two cookies and passing one to his younger sister.

"I…will…kill…you…" Akai tried his best to not reach for his gun.

"Now, now, Shuu-chan," Grandma warns. "Do not threaten in this house. Am I clear?"

"Yes Grandmamma," Akai mutters.

"Why doesn't he have to call you mam?" Gin whines but silenced when he earned a glare from their grandmother.

"I'm going for some fresh air," Akai heads for the door.

Grandma stopped him. "Now, now, Shuu-chan. You and Melkior need to build a cousinly bond!"

"Why can't he bond with Vodka?" Akai points out. "And also, I need to get a new knit cap."

"What's wrong with the one you're wearing?" Chianti asks.

"If you haven't noticed…" Akai points to the bunny ears. "Bourbon glued bunny ears to it."

"So?" Vodka asks.

"You guys won't take me seriously…"

"Aww come on, Bunny-Bullet, we take you seriously,"

XXX

Gin and Akai were forced to 'bond'. They were deciding on where to go. They finally agreed on the shooting range. They shot multiply bullets at targets that resembled each other. "How long are we spending here?" Akai asks.

"Until she gives us a call," Gin answers, reloading his Beretta.

The two earned stared from the other gunmen. They were the best out of the whole club. No one could shoot like them! The gunmen all tried to challenge them but were defeated. "This is starting to get boring," Gin mumbles. "Let's go somewhere else. She won't notice if we don't go places together."

"Agreed."

The duo were about to separate when both their phones rang. "MELKIOR! SHUICHI! I TOLD YOU TWO TO BOND NOT SEPARATE!"

"How did she know?" Akai asks.

"Of course it was because of the blonde devil of a woman," Gin muttered.

"Isn't that Grandma's car?" Akai pointed to a Convertible parked in front of an ice cream parlor. Inside the ice cream parlor, the others could be seen.

"Looks like we have no choice but to…_bond_." Gin growled.

XXX

After _hours _of _bonding, _they were finally allowed to go their own ways. They hated bonding. They were anti-social for a reason. They arrived at the house, where somehow the others had beaten them there. "You two are not done bonding yet," Masumi chuckled. "You guys are going to have to cook dinner!"

"We want roast turkey," Bourbon adds.

"What—" Akai shut his mouth after a death glare from his grandmother. "Fine…"

"Turkey's in the fridge!"

A couple minute later, Akai asked, "Gin, does Grandma like turkey stew?"

"No," Gin answers. "Why? Don't tell me…" He looked to the pot. "AKAI!"

"Go get a new turkey," Akai says.

"Why me?" Gin asks. "You go get it! You're the one that ruined the turkey!"

"Fine, I'll get your turkey!" Akai stormed out.

XXX

"What took you so long?" Gin asks as the door was thrown open.

Akai put a cage on the kitchen counter. Inside the cage, was a living turkey. "Here,"

"First of all," Gin sighed. "It's alive. Second of all, how did you manage to get one? Third of all, you could've gone to the supermarket to get some turkey you know."

"Well," Akai trailed off. "On the way to the supermarket, about halfway there, I encountered a poacher. I tied him up and saw that one of the animals he had was a turkey. You wanted a turkey so I just took it instead of continuing the way to the supermarket."

Gin face palmed himself. "I hate you so much…"

**BOOM! **"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE!?"

"Gin exploded the kitchen," Akai answered.

**WHACK! **Grandma had hit Gin's head.

"What about Akai and his _living _turkey!?" Gin complained.

"Grandma can I keep it?" Masumi held the turkey in her arms. "I'll feed it and take care of it. We can start our own Turkey Farm!"

"Sure thing, Masumi-chan," Grandma nodded in agreement. She then returned her attention to Gin. "I want you to go buy us a dinner plate of sushi!"

"But—"

"No buts!" Grandma hissed. "Go get the sushi!"

XXX

"So Bourbon," Vermouth asks. "Why didn't you or Gin mention being related to Akai?"

"Gin is jealous that we are closer to Grandma than him," Bourbon explains. "I hate Akai because he was a mole!"

"He's just wearing a mole _suit,_" Masumi said. "I dared him."

Akai sat at the dining table in a mole costume. The upper coat was black and the lower coat was a medium stone grey color. He also wore gloves and boots with mole claws. "Mole sounds, mole sounds, mole sounds,"

"Shuu-nii, moles don't say that," Masumi said.

"They squeak," Bourbon corrected.

Akai sighed and made a squeaking sound. "Cute~" Vermouth said, taking a photo. "This photo will go great with your Kill List file."

Akai growled. "Delete it."

Gin came back with three plates full of sushi. "I got the sushi,"

"I also invited Shuu-chan's coworkers," Grandma said, opening the back door.

"Hi Shuu's Grandma," Jodie greeted. "I brought your favorite cheeses and pickles!"

"Thank you, Jodie-chan," Grandma took the bag. "You and your coworkers can have a seat at the table. There's plenty of room."

Jodie, James, and Camel did so. They stared at Akai. "It was a dare," Akai simply said. "My sister,"

"Okay?" James said. "So why are the Organization members here?"

"Gin brought them along," Akai answered.

"Shuu-nii," Masumi said. "You can speak only Mole-ish throughout dinner,"

"Squeak, squeak," Akai made mole noises.

"This is going to be on his new FBI Badge," Jodie took a photo like Vermouth did.

"Melkior," Bourbon addressed. "I dare you to let Masumi, Vermouth, and Starling-san…" He snickered.

The three females (Chianti was focused on her food) all grinned evilly, understanding what they were going to do. Gin just blinked in confusion.

XXX

The whole dining room was filled with laughter. Gin's hair was now shoulder-length. He had red eye-shadow, blue eye-liner, and purple and pink lipstick on. He wore a pink frilly ballerina dress over his clothing. He also had on high heels. He was tied to his chair with heavy steel chains.

"And this will be Gin's identification photo," Both Vermouth and Jodie snapped pictures.

"YOU ARE ALL DEAD MEAT!"

**WHACK! **"No threatening at the table!"

"At least untie me!" Gin snapped.

"Ask nicely, Ginnefer," Vermouth said.

"Yes, you need to say please, Milk," Bourbon said.

"_Milk?_" Gin questioned. "My name is Ikari Melkior not Milk!"

**WHACK! **"Use your inside voice, Milk-chan," Grandma said.

"WHY THE HELL IS EVERYONE CALLING ME MILK!?"

**WHACK! **"I think you need to see an ear doctor. Didn't you hear what I told you about using your inside voice?"

"Can you…p-p…l…pl…ease untie me?" Gin asks.

"Sure," Masumi said. "But after we eat our sushi."

"Squeak," Akai laughed.


End file.
